


when you break all the chains that you feel comfortable in

by urcane



Series: Chiroptera [2]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, Dream Eater Riku (Kingdom Hearts), Kingdom Hearts III Spoilers, M/M, Metaphorically anyways, Post-Kingdom Hearts II, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, Riku-centric (Kingdom Hearts), Wingfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:35:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24749221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/urcane/pseuds/urcane
Summary: Riku doesn't know how to live on the islands, after everything. He can't step back into the space he created when he left. He can't find the words that will allow his mother to see him for who, and what, he is.These things take time.
Relationships: Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Chiroptera [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1789660
Comments: 6
Kudos: 88





	when you break all the chains that you feel comfortable in

**Author's Note:**

> Ya boy's back at it again with more incredibly self-indulgent Riku wingfic. I highly recommend reading the first work in this series before this one; I'm not sure it'll make a ton of sense without that context.
> 
> Title from Take This Lonely Heart by Nothing But Thieves.

The reaction is instant: as soon as his shoes touch familiar sand, his wings snap shut and cling tight to his back. 

He doesn't even notice he's done it, at first; too caught up in the joy of making it back from the realm of darkness. It's only after everyone is back on dry land, Kairi beaming at them, that anyone notices at all. 

"Why are you holding your wings like that, Riku?" Mickey asks. "Isn't that uncomfortable?"

Riku starts, then glances over his shoulder at the wings in question. "Oh." He relaxes them slowly, stretching them back out into a comfortable position. "Just force of habit, I guess."

Sora frowns at this and gives Riku a Look. Riku shrugs and turns away to avoid his gaze, only to lock eyes with Kairi. She's giving him the same Look, but throws in a pout for good measure. 

Riku sighs, the battle clearly lost. "Back then, I didn't want anyone to see them. So I hid them under my clothes. Worked a little better when they were smaller, though." He flaps them once for good measure. The ensuing wind scatters the sand at his feet. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Riku sees Mickey exchange a concerned look with Donald and Goofy. Sora's frown deepens, and Kairi asks, "How long were you doing that?"

"A few months before... Everything." It doesn't feel like a strong enough word to cover it, but he doesn't feel like pouring all that guilt out right this second. "It was fine," he tacks on the lie for good measure. "No one noticed."

"What do you want to do now?" Kairi asks. "Do you want to keep hiding them?"

"If you want to tell people, we can help!" Sora adds.

"I-" Riku hadn't thought about what would happen when they returned. Hadn't really considered that _he_ might return at all. "I don't know. Not yet. I'll... Figure something out."

His friends nod, and, mercifully, let the subject drop. There's a short lull, but then the conversation picks back up again: Donald and Goofy ask Sora about the battle, and he jumps into the story with a fervor. Riku feels some of the tension building in his shoulders bleed out. They should be celebrating their victory like this, not worrying over him. He leaves the center of attention and lets himself drift a little, the conversation washing over him.

He's brought back to himself by the feeling of fabric settling over his shoulders. Riku blinks, then sees Mickey come into focus. 

"It's a blanket from the gummi ship," the king explains simply.

Riku smiles, pulling it tighter around himself. The blanket is heavy, deep red, and patterned with the king's emblem. Perfect for obscuring some pesky wings. "Thank you, Mickey."

The king returns the smile before stepping backwards. "We're going to head back to Disney Castle now. I think Sora and Kairi are planning to head back to the mainland, if you want to join them." 

Riku considers the question tucked away, hidden between the lines. He dismisses it quickly; he knows where he should be right now. "Have a safe trip back," he responds. He throws in a soft smile to be extra reassuring.

Mickey nods, then makes his way toward the gummi ship. Riku watches him for a moment before pushing himself to his feet. He makes his way toward his friends.

Sora and Kairi are at the dock, preparing the canoe that Kairi took to the play island. They usher him into the boat, seat him in the center. He reaches for the paddle, but Kairi gently bats his hands away.

"Not today," she chastises, "I'll take care of that. You two can take it easy for once." 

"Thanks Kai!" Sora exclaims. The boat wobbles precariously as he steps in and takes his seat behind Riku. "I'm exhausted."

Kairi smiles at them both, then turns and starts paddling. It's faster than Riku had expected, and her form is perfect. He starts to wonder how frequently she had made this trip by herself before shutting that thought process down quickly. 

He gets some help in finding a distraction. A weight comes to rest on his back, nestled between his shoulder blades.

"Is this okay?" Sora whispers, forehead pressed against Riku and voice obscured by the blanket. 

Riku gives Sora a hum in response, one that is felt more than heard. Sora nestles in a little closer, then settles.

He remains there for the rest of the trip.

* * *

"Kairi's house is closest, I don't know why you both think you need to walk me home so badly."

"We just want to make sure you get home okay, Riku," Kairi says, voice extra sweet. Her grip on his hand is vice-like.

Each step up to the door is harder than the last; they practically drag him up the final one. Once they make it up, though, they stop. They drop his hands and take a step back, until it's just him and the door.

"It's up to you, Riku," Kairi murmurs. 

"But we think you can do this," Sora adds.

Riku raises a hand and lays it flat against the wood of the door. Then he forms a fist and knocks twice.

It takes a moment. Riku is tempted to knock again, but before he can work up the nerve, the door opens. 

"Hello?" His mom peers from behind the door. He can spot the exact moment she sees him because her whole body stiffens and she chokes on a gasp. The door swings open, dropped from her grasp. 

"Ri-riku?" She gets out after a moment. "Is that- is it really you?" She reaches out her hands, but they jerk to a hault an inch before they reach him. They quiver in the air and Riku feels his heart break with each tremor. 

"Yeah, it's me," he murmurs back, soft as he can. He takes her hands in his own. "It's me."

"I can't believe- you came home," she chokes out. "I thought you were dead." Tears pool and pour from her eyes, but she doesn't move. Just her hands, still quaking in Riku's grip. 

"I'm alive, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he whispers back. He bows his head over their joined hands, feels his own tears drip into the spaces between their fingers.

* * *

"What happened?" She asks later, hands clasped around a cup of tea. "Where were you for so long?"

There's so little that he can explain. He settles on a story that has some elements of the truth in it: they tried to run away. They got lost and it took a long time to get back. Somewhere along the way they found some people who needed their help, so they stayed to do what they could. He gestures to the blanket concealing him as proof of this point.

She asks about his injuries, but he waves it off: he was injured when he fell off a boat during a storm on their way back. It doesn't really explain much, but he can't think of anything else to say. 

He doesn't know how much of it she believes, but she doesn't push too hard. 

After he's run out of words and she's run out of questions he can answer, she sets her half drunk tea to the side.

"You must be so tired. You can- your room is still there. Oh, you should probably change the sheets, linens are still in the same place."

Riku nods, grateful both for the excuse to leave and the opportunity to finally rest.

He makes the trek up to his room, both familiar and foreign at once. The steps are the same but the scenery has changed: different paint on the walls, different photos on the shelves. Like a stepping back into a parallel version of his own life. 

The illusion is shattered when he opens the door to his own room. It hasn't changed at all; he can taste the mourning in the dusty air.

He strips the bed, but leaves everything else as is. He doesn't feel right disturbing any of this; intruding into these relics of a life he cast aside. He's not sure he knows how to live it anymore. 

Still. Right now, all he has to do is sleep. He grabs a sheet from the hall closet and retreats back to his room. Door closed and locked tight, just like old times. He tucks the sheet into place, then pulls the blanket from his shoulders. He tosses it onto the bed, and collapses down shortly after it. 

Sleep comes for him quickly.

* * *

When Riku wakes, he gives himself a moment to feel the stale air on his wings, then sets to work. He roots around in his closet, upturns all the drawers. The result is a small collection of clothes that still fit and are baggy enough to hide in. He pulls one of the lighter hoodies on, looks himself up and down. It's a style that he hasn't worn in years, and he can't say it suits him, but it'll do for now. 

Finally dressed to face the day, he leaves the room. He pads over to the kitchen, where his mom is fussing over a pot of coffee. 

"Morning-" he starts to call out, but she jumps. Coffee spills out into the counter as she whips around to face him. He watches as she goes through the same cycle of realization as last night.

"I wasn't sure if I was dreaming-" she chokes on the explanation. Her eyes dance over him, as if trying to take him all in. He hunches in, the weight of her gaze pulling on him.

"Here, let me get that." He moves to the spilled coffee and starts wiping it up. She stares at him for a bit longer, but eventually looks away to grab a second mug and pour the coffee.

He finishes cleaning the mess and accepts the offered mug. Her gaze lingers on him again, so he does his best to deflect the attention.

"I, uh, saw some new photos. On the wall. Did you join a new dragonboat team? Looked like a different crew," he scrambles for words to say and just barely manages to string something coherent together.

"Oh, yes," she replies, "They asked me to join a couple of months ago. A bit less competitive than the old crew, but that's not a bad thing. I couldn't keep up with them after..." She trails off and the conversation dies.

Riku can't bring himself to try again, so they linger in silence. At least she's looking at her coffee and not him, now.

It feels like an eternity, but eventually his mother speaks again.

"Oh, I work today. I should call in-"

"No, no, it's fine," he interrupts. "I'll be okay on my own, you don't need to do that."

"Are you sure? Your side looks pretty bad, and you just got back, and I-"

"Yes, it's fine. Please," he doesn't look up at her for this, can't meet her eyes.

"Okay," she relents after a moment, "if you're sure." She stands up and carries her mug to the sink, walking past him. He feels her hand linger in the air above his shoulder, but she pulls away without touching him. "I'll see you later, then?" 

"Yeah," Riku replies, finally looking up. She may have asked the question casually, but her eyes are pleading. "Yeah, I'll see you."

* * *

The house is empty and Riku doesn't know what to do with himself. 

He thinks back to what he used to do, on the rare occasion he spent the day at home rather than with Sora and Kairi. But the bookshelves don't hold his favorite novels anymore; it looks like his mom has packed those away somewhere. She's also rearranged the furniture in the living room, so no matter where he sits, it feels foreign and uncomfortable. It's like he doesn't know how to exist in this space anymore, and the space no longer knows how to accommodate him.

Riku decides that relearning his childhood home will take time, and for now, it can wait. He considers visiting Sora or Kairi's homes, but dismisses that quickly. They should get to spend some time alone with their families. He considers just walking around the town; the streets can't have changed as much as his old home. He doesn't spend long on that thought either; the idea of running into another person isn't exactly appealing right now. He doesn't think he can get through another half baked explanation without his friends at his side. 

In the end, the choice is pretty obvious. Kairi had mentioned that no one went to the play islands anymore, so he'd be safe enough there.

He roots around in the kitchen drawers for a while before pulling out a notepad and a pen. He quickly scribbles out his location for the day on the note and sticks it to the front door on his way out. No sense in frightening his mom again with another disappearing act.

Riku has to stop himself from jogging the whole way to the docks. He tries to keep his pace at least somewhat leisurely; sprinting around is only going to attract more of the attention he is so desperately trying to avoid. When he arrives without incident, he makes swift work of readying the canoe they used last night. He's sure Kairi won't mind him borrowing it for the day.

With every stroke, the weight of being so visible slips from his shoulders. Standing on the sand of the Play Island, he finally feels properly alone. 

He pulls the hoodie off and stretches out, shaking the stiffness out of his wings. It's nothing compared to how long he used to keep them bound when he actually lived here, but it seems he's gotten used to having them free.

Well, it's nothing Riku can't handle. He transitions from the casual stretch into the old stretching routine he did every night. He has to adjust it on the fly to accommodate the difference in wing span and muscle mass, but it goes smoothly enough. Caught up in the familiar routine, he doesn't notice the sound of paddling until it's almost too late.

His gaze snaps up, but relaxes instantly. It's just Sora, who has apparently commandeered another canoe from the docks. Riku gives a quick wave, then returns to his stretches.

Sora ties his stolen canoe beside Riku's - with a haphazard knot, Riku notices - then bounds up.

"What are you doing?" Sora asks pleasantly, as if asking about the weather. Riku holds back a smirk; he and Kairi really are trying to normalize this whole thing, aren't they?

"Just trying to loosen the wings up a bit. Keeping them tucked against my back all day gets a little tight," Riku explains. He furls the wings in tight to demonstrate, then spreads them out again.

Sora watches in silence, then his expression shifts into a grimace. "And you had to do this every day, for months?"

Riku shrugs, "It wasn't great, but I didn't really have any other option."

Sora opens his mouth, pauses, and closes it again. Instead of whatever he was going to say, he instead steps closer and reaches out. His hand hovers about Riku's shoulder blade. "Can I touch them?"

Riku starts, flinching away from the almost-touch. "Why would you want to?"

Sora starts moving his hand away; Riku's eyes tracing its path backwards. "Why wouldn't I want to?" He asks, staring intently into Riku's eyes. "If you don't want me to, I won't."

Riku forces himself to return Sora's gaze. "It's... No, it's okay. You can. I just wasn't expecting that." He tries to relax, but the way Sora's face lights up at that just sends more tension shooting through him.

"Okay!" Sora immediately leans back into his space, but doesn't lay his hands down quite yet. "Anything I should know? Anything I should avoid?"

"Uh," Riku hesitates, glancing away. "I don't know. Watch out for the claws, I guess, they're pretty sharp." 

"I mostly meant anything that might hurt _you_ , but thanks for the warning." Sora chuckles and reaches out.

He doesn't actually start with the wings at all. Instead, his fingers ghost over Riku's shoulders before settling down at the base of the wings. He pokes at the place where the leather meets the skin of Riku's back. Riku suppresses another flinch, but Sora must still notice.

"Does that tickle or something?" Sora asks, hands retreating.

"Yeah, a bit," Riku takes the easy out. He'd rather not get into exactly how strange it feels to be touched at all. 

Sora hums in acknowledgement, then goes back to his poking and prodding. He avoids the leather for now, and instead runs his fingers along the arm of the wing, following the bones.

It's the lightest touch; it's just Sora's right hand and there's no pressure behind it. Even so, Riku struggles to keep his shit together. Half of him wants to bolt, and the other half wants to lean into Sora and kindly request that he never stop. Instead, he does his best to remain perfectly, perfectly still. He's sure the tension must be clear in his body, but mercifully, Sora doesn't mention anything.

Sora traces down to the wing tip, but moves away just before reaching the claw. Riku takes a deep breath, then shifts away before Sora can get anymore ideas.

"Satisfied?" He asks.

Sora nods. "I was right, before. They are pretty cool."

Riku huffs. "Did you need to touch them to figure that out?"

"No," Sora admits, "but now that I've looked up close, I can really see how they're a part of you. I didn't really understand that before, you know?" He looks down, and continues quietly, "I was a pretty big jerk about it before."

"Don't worry about it," Riku waves it off. "I was being a pretty big jerk at that point too."

Sora pouts. "You thought you were doing the right thing, though!"

"So did you," Riku points out.

"Okay, fine," Sora raises his hands in defeat. "What are you doing out here, anyways?"

"Mom had to work."

"Ah, mine too," Sora pauses. "Did you want to sit out here and stare at the water all day, or do you want to go catch up on some of the games we missed? I bet Kairi's got some."

"That just means that she'll kick our asses at them."

"Speak for yourself, Riku! I bet I'll be awesome at all of them."

"Alright, you're on. Let's go." Riku shrugs the hoodie back on, then shifts until his wings are tucked away properly. Sora gives him an unreadable look, but doesn't say anything.

They make their way back to the main island together.

* * *

Riku spends the rest of the week in this strange back and forth.

Whenever he's with his mom, things feel stilted and broken. There's so much he wants to tell her, but he doesn't know how to find the words. He's changed so much; he knows that when she looks, she isn't seeing who he really is. It's hard, trying to bridge the gap between the person she expects him to be and the person he is now. 

Whenever he's with Sora and Kairi, things are easier than they've been in years. They both reach out, try to welcome him back in. Kairi catches them up on the island life they'd missed, helps them transition back into the normal world. Sora keeps catching him off guard with casual touches; a pat on the shoulder, a touch to his arm. Both of them make spaces where he can stretch his wings; either in the privacy of their homes, or keeping watch when they're out on the Play Island. 

He wants to extend this comfort to the other part of his life. He wants his own home to share the comfort of Kairi's bedroom, wants his mom to be able to touch him as easily as Sora does. He wants to tell her, he realizes.

If only he could figure out _how_.

Sora's suggestion gets shot down pretty quickly; there's no way he's going to just leave his room one morning with wings out. He'll probably scare her half to death before he gets the chance to explain a thing. 

Kairi suggests writing a letter, but that feels equally off. Without the physical evidence, why would his mom ever believe him?

No, he has to tell her in person. And he needs to know what he's going to say before he shows her. 

But every time he tries to figure out the words, they slip from his fingers. He thinks about how to introduce it, how to pivot another conversation onto the topic, how to quickly explain that he wasn't a terrible monster the instant she saw the wings. He comes up blank each time.

In the end, Kairi isn't too far off. A letter does save him. When the summons from King Mickey wash onto their shores, he feels almost sick with relief.

He goes to her in person before they depart. He lets her know that they're needed, that they're leaving, but that they'll be safe. They'll come back.

He doesn't mention anything else.

* * *

It takes him longer than expected to make good on those promises. A lifetime, really, if dying and returning again counts as a lifetime. 

They return to the world via the ocean, as before. Riku wraps an arm around Sora and paddles to shore, helps him out of the water. Sora's body may have been weakened by their ordeals, but it does nothing to weaken his smile as he stares up at Riku.

"Sora! Riku!" They hear Kairi before they see her, sprinting across the beach. Sora tackles her in an embrace, and Riku follows quickly behind, leaving them laughing and sprawled in the surf.

"It's so hard to believe you're finally home," Kairi murmurs, once she's caught her breath again. "I was so worried I'd lost both of you for good."

"We're back now," Riku confirms.

"I don't think we'll be leaving again soon," Sora adds. "I think I've earned some vacation time at this point."

Kairi laughs, "Oh, don't worry, I'm not letting anyone drag you away from the islands, no matter what's going on in the worlds. They can go through me first."

"Guess we're stuck here for a while, then," Riku says.

Kairi glances at him. All of him. The wings, as tall as he is now; his hand, fingers intertwined with Sora's with no signs of letting go any time soon. "Is that okay?"

He meets her gaze and nods. "Yeah, I think so. I think I'm ready." 

Sora adds in a supportive squeeze of his hand for good measure.

"I," Riku pauses for a moment, floundering for the words. "Would you. I know you just got here but. Could-"

"Yes, I can pick up your mom and bring her here," Kairi answers. "I'm guessing it'll be easier if it's just her at first, right?"

"Yes," Riku sighs, tension draining out of him. "Thank you, Kai."

She hums in response and untangles herself from the boys. "Then I'll be right back."

It's only when she's untying her boat from the dock that Riku thinks to look to Sora. "Did you want to go back with her? Go see your folks?"

"No," Sora shakes his head, which has the bonus effect of showering Riku in sand. "I want to be here for this. I'll go see my family after, and I'm bringing you with me." He tightens his grip on Riku's hand.

Riku hides his face in Sora's hair. "Yeah. We'll go together."

* * *

He meets his mom at the dock, offering a hand to help her out of the boat. She stares at him for just a moment before she takes it, tears filling her eyes. He pulls her up and wraps her into a hug, arms and wings encircling her.

"Hey, mom. I'm sorry this took so long."

She's stiff at first, but slowly, tentatively, she returns the embrace. Her arms reach around his sides, under the leather of his wings, to rest on his back. "I thought you were gone for good this time. I didn't think I'd ever see you again." 

"I know, I know, I'm sorry. We're back now," he whispers, head tucked into the crook of her neck.

She pulls back slightly, so he does as well, unwrapping himself. She looks him up and down, them lays a palm against his cheek. "You look..." 

Riku tenses in the space of her pause. This is the moment he's been dreading.

"You look happy," she continues, a wide smile breaking through the tears on her face. "I don't think I've ever seen you look this happy."

The tension drains from his shoulders. "Yeah," he huffs. "I am."

He watches her gaze trace over the wings, now tucked loose against his sides. She's silent as she takes them in. "Sorry I didn't tell you about those earlier. I wasn't sure how you'd react. Not every day your son grows giant bat wings."

"It's not every day that my son returns from the dead after saving the world yet again," she retorts. "This is hardly the weirdest part of your adventures."

Her sharp tone cuts a laugh loose from this throat. She continues, "Where'd you get them, anyway? I know they're not from my side of the family."

The laugh dies, and he hesitates before responding. "Back when I was a kid. I made a promise to Sora. It made me into this." 

Her palm tenses against his check. She stares up at him, a mix of emotions clouding her face that he can't interpret. "How long have you had them?"

"Since I was 15," he responds, breaking eye contact. "Like I said. I'm sorry I hid them from you. I didn't know how you'd respond."

"I'm sorry you felt like you had to," she whispers into the space between them. He looks back, and now she's averted her gaze to the ground. "I'm so sorry that you didn't feel safe enough to tell me."

"It wasn't just that," Riku responds quickly, "it wasn't your fault. I didn't understand them, I thought that they made me a monster. I was so ashamed. I couldn't tell anyone."

She shakes her head, "I'm your mom, it's my job to protect you from things like that. I should have been there for you."

"It's okay," he murmurs. "I figured it out, in the end. They're a part of me. And they represent something beautiful." He glances over at Sora. "It just took a little while."

She wraps her arms around him again, pulling him back down into an embrace. "I'm sorry. I love you, I'll always love you. You could turn into a giant bat for all I care, you'll never be monstrous to me."

"Oh, well that's good, because-" Sora exclaims before Kairi's hand slaps into place over his mouth. 

Riku's mom glances over at him for a moment, then breaks into a laugh. She wipes the tears from her eyes, then turns back to her son, meeting his gaze once again. "Tell me everything."

And he does.

**Author's Note:**

> Do I have a lot of feelings about coming out? Yes. Do I want to make Riku feel those feelings instead of me so I can just live my life? Also yes. Don't @ me.


End file.
